Christy Murphy's Otter Blog

If a person tweets in the dark, does a one-handed tree clapping make no sound when it falls on her?

I've signed up for Twitter, and I have no idea what I'm doing or why, but that is one of the best reasons and ways to do anything in my opinion. (The other "best" reason and way would be to do something for a specific reason and to know exactly how. However, it is kind of boring).

I find it very entertaining that no one at all is following me, and yet I tweet away. However, in everyone in the world's defense, I signed up in the dead of night after a major holiday while I was alone in my apartment. I am of the firm belief this is how all great things begin. Great things begin alone, in the dead of night, when no one is looking, and you (or in this case me) do something.

Yes, there are things people do alone, when no one is looking, in the dead of night, that may not fall into the "great" category, but hopefully this is not that kind of thing.

This happened a few years ago ... (Silly, true funny story)

I hope you enjoy this funny story about rage and redemption at a chicken place on Laurel. This happened a few years ago, but since I just moved to the Valley again I thought about it. BTW, THEY'RE CLOSED NOW.

Victory is mine!

Silly, Funny Christmas Story (Well Sort of) - Working at the Mall

Before I was rocketing my way to comedy stardom, I had a lot of jobs including TWO at the mall.

<

More funny Christmas stories (that have more to do with Christmas) and other funny stories plus funny horoscopes, recipes and songs are in the works.

And the SCOOMIE Goes to

Every year, shortly after the Oscars, the Los Angeles Stand Up Comedy Community gathers together to put on an award show to honor and poke fun of itself. The jokes are pitched on the inside. Comics don formal wear, and we hand out awards fashioned from foam and coffee cups (representing the many coffee houses we all perform in out here).

We call the awards the SCOOMIE awards, which stands for Southern California Organization Of Open MIc Entertainers. (Yeah, the I is kind of awkward.)

Thank You to My Internet Friends

I'm packing for Hollywood. The comeback is in full swing and I'm feeling pretty good about thanks to kind words from old friends and many hours of iChatting with my sister, Edie. Plus special thank you shout outs to my favorite cyberpals. I got my first booking  at Bricks in Santa Barbara March 20th. I'll be performing with my good friends and fellow comedians Louise Polanker and Brett Gilbert.

I'm Writing You from the Future

Well, maybe. Depending on where you are in the world. I'm in the Philippines and if you one of the nearly a dozen who know me who read this blog, you are most likely in the United States. And it's only just Monday morning there. But it's very late Monday NIGHT here. I've seen Monday day already, and I say stay in bed. I'm anxious and weirded out. I go back to LA in one week. So many things to do. So many money issues. Housing issues. Errands. Packing. I've kind of had it easy just having to heal my health issues (mental and physical) and now it's time to rejoin the world. I'm excited and anxious.

I have been soothing my feelings with watching way too many YouTube videos and I'll admit it--developing an outdated crush on James Marsters. Um. What the heck is that all about?

They've started re-running Buffy the Vampire Slayer re-runs here in the Philippines. It's a show I thought I'd never watch, but during my first and very long stint recovering from my car accident injury, the show was on twice a day on FX. If you haven't watched, the show, especially the later episodes, is totally packed with sex and vampires. It was like a soap opera with original story lines and good writing. Engrossing enough to distract me from back pain. Ah. There's the connection. Pain.

I can blame my new, out-dated crush on James Marsters on back pain, too. I met relatives out for dinner Saturday night. We all packed into ONE vehicle (two trips, I rode in both not wanting to be stranded with strangers) and drove for a half hour each direction packed four and five in the back seat. No chance to lean. Plus the restaurant on the beach had bench seating. No place for me to rest my back. OUCHIES! I have no idea how I will survive the very long plane ride, but on the plane I'll actually have more space and a chair with a back.

The party despite my dread and only wanting to do it, because it made Mom happy, was incredibly well planned. I got a seat next to the roasted pig. My back ached and then I looked straight into the face of the roasted pig. I realized that many of my vegetarian friends would have been totally horrified at the site of him all long-snouted (not the short snout like I'm used to, but long and skinny) being hacked into by relatives.  Lots of people ate with their hands and even picked at the pig with their hands. And yet, it was so surreal and he looked like he was smiling--happy to be a the party. I kept looking at his face and it made me kind of laugh. Mom was so happy. People took my picture. My cousins speak English and laughed at my jokes.

A comedian can't asked for more than a good meal, having her picture taken, and having a pig slaughtered in her honor.

Linkify Experiment - Trying this linkify tool out

I am new to blogging. And to use a phrase my friend, Jason Roeder mentioned in an Email to me on a totally separate issue, my blog IS the grammatical Wild Wild West. It is amazing the level of grammatical atrophy and diction paralysis a writer can go through when doing stand-up comedy. Having only had to scrawl rough premises on napkins and never being edited really takes its toll.
Also, I'm also just learning about the whole "blogging thing." There is this tool called linkify that I read about on xenomachina.com that is supposed to help me link out to cool places on the Internet. Let's see if it works. Thank you for coming. Please subscribe. It gets even better.

Anxiety Attacks and Depression - Part II of 32 Things I've Learned About It

My anxiety attacks and depression following my car accident finally escalated to the point where I could not ignore it. My life changed, and I'm on the comeback, but I have learned a few things. You can check out Part One: Anxiety and Coping with Depression here. Here is the rest of the list:

17) You never HAVE to answer your phone.
18) Change your outgoing message to "I'll do my best to call you back," cuts down on the looming overwhelmed-ness of too many unreturned phone calls. 19) Being outdoors helps.
20) Exercise actually does help.
21) Breathing into a paper bag really does stop you from hyperventilating. (Pretend you're in an old movie when you do it. Make it fun!)
22) Be aware of your blood sugar levels.
23) Watch the caffeine. Figure out your limit. Wean SLOWLY.
24) Don't worry about dieting, but if you can just make it a mini-goal to attempt to eat more fruits and vegetables, you can let it slide.
25) Watch your simple carbs and sugar intake. Sugar crashing and anxiety attacks are amazingly similar.
26) Anxiety and depression is a miracle. It means you are telling you that your life  as it is does not suit the real you. You now have a compelling reason to change. (look at the big parts: jobs, dreams, relationships, coping mechanisms, possible addictions, pent up grief)
27) Lowering the bar can do wonders. Ex. I will shower today and everything else is gravy!
28) Falling apart can reap greater rewards than holding it together.
29) Cry. Cry. Cry. Let it all out.
30) Rage. Rage. Rage. (Don't hurt yourself, but punching stuffed animals and screaming in your parked car or into a pillow does wonders.)
31) You are not alone.
32) You are very special person if you relate to any of this. Very special.
We have a lot in common.

Anxiety and Coping with Depression - 32 Things I've Learned

Having anxiety and coping with depression is not the easiest thing in the world to do. For a long time, my major coping mechanism was to pretend it didn't exist. I do not recommend this method. I am no expert, but I've learned a few things particularly with my last severe and disabling bout last year. Some of these things are a little funny, but humor helps. It's strange. It can be a gift this anxiety attacks and even depression.  It changed my life more than all the self-help books I've been reading since I was a zygote. Ok, ignore your churning stomach, cold sweats and feeling of impending death and enjoy a helpful list:

1) It's real.
2) If you ignore it it gets worse.
3) People give you lame advice. Ignore it.
4) Lame advice looks something like this: You can't "just (insert lame advice.) Ex. "Just relax." "Just try not to think of it." "Just watch a funny movie." "Just calm down."
5) Hating yourself doesn't help.
6) Being anxious because you can't "Just Insert lame advice" only adds to it. But if you can't help it see tip 5.
7) Your hair can fall out.
8) If you keep vomiting stomach acid it will effect your molars. Brush and floss often if you can muster the energy.
9) Sometimes you will lose the feeling in your face.
10) Drinking doesn't help it--even if your entire office seems to think it strange that you don't want to drink at work.
11) If your job makes you anxious, bursting into tears at work and flipping out can lead to the help you so desperately deserve. (Really! If I'd only known I would have done it sooner.)
11) Nobody else can make you feel less anxious, but in the midst of an attack calling your  big sister helps.
12) Support groups  offer some comfort, but those other people are REALLY screwed up. :)
13) Try not to "pick" at anything.
14) Meditation works.
15) Worry about not "meditating right" fades over time.
16) Any type of spiritual connection be it God, Nature, Science, The Universe, or my favorite "The Force" helps.

Stay tuned for Part II.

My Car Accident and Its Awesome-ness

I have seen the face of change, and it's a 19 year old driving a 2004 BMW making an illegal left-hand turn onto Burbank in the world famous San Fernando Valley. You ever need to make a left hand turn and see the light is green, but at the last second realize the green light is actually for the cars going straight and your lane is red? Well, the driver of the BMW that careened into me did that except for the part about realizing that she had a red light. She was only four blocks from her house and just went to get her dog a leash at PetCo about 10 yards from one of my life's most major turning points--her totaling my Dodge Neon.

I've got a million stories about being in physical therapy and all that other stuff, but for now let me just say that I can see how life's challenges change a person. There are people who have been in more serious car accidents, who have had greater challenges, but the way I dealt with this particular challenge really told me about me and what it said was I needed to change.

My whole life I read self-help books and suppressed my emotional pain with what I thought were "positive affirmations." But what I found when I was confronted with actual physical pain, I saw very clearly that my biggest coping mechanism for life was pretending like things were okay when they weren't. Strangely, it was only after I stopped denying the way things were that I realized INDEED everything is always okay. Yes, I still live with the effects of the car accident, but those effects (besides the obvious mobility challenges which have arisen from time to time and a little more so recently) ARE AWESOME.

I've taken an interest in my my health and look at my life differently--because I HAD TO. I learned how I used the great tools for positive thinking as more of tools of denial. I learned how feel pain and let it go. See the key for me to letting things go, is I actually have to hold it for a second, let it actually be in my grasp and then I can let it go. But if I never accept that it exists, it is impossible to let i go. How do you let go of nothing?

This may or may not make any sense. I'm going to upload another vlog thingy and tell you about aquatic therapy at the Bally's on El Centro in Hollywood and how I was actually pretty lucky during the accident. Los Angeles is an odd town for car accidents.

Have you been in a car accident? Didn't the paperwork kind of blow?