Christy Murphy's Otter Blog

A poem of Gratitude (Haiku) to My Two Subscribers

This is a poem of gratitude, I wrote for my first two YouTube subscribers. It's a haiku in the loosest definition of the term:

Obscureness minus
two new subscribers equals
a grateful comic.

I get the hype factor thing that I'm supposed to pretend like I'm wildly popular and blah, blah, blah. But I'm just a regular person who loves writing and performing stand-up comedy, and I am actually grateful to any audience. There was a time when I wasn't. I let the bitterness that can be pervasive in the stand-up world suck away my joy. But I would like to believe those days are behind me. Many of my so-called worst gigs have graced me with my fondest memories, and even some of the smallest gigs have had the best crowds. Don't get me wrong. I would still love to play for packed houses.  But, I've performed comedy shows in comedy clubs, coffee house and even laundromats and many of my favorite shows ever were for an audience of fewer than twelve and my fellow comedians. I leave for Los Angeles in a little under two weeks. There is a million things to do, and I'm slightly nervous and incredibly excited and grateful to be able to do the "stand" part in stand-up again. Life does not give everybody second chances. I am very grateful to have one.

Would you, and by you I mean mythical readers in the future, like a poem of gratitude dedicated to you? Well all you have to do is subscribe to my blog via the feedburner link in the upper left hand corner and drop me a comment saying you did. Then wait for your personal shout out and gratitude poem to appear in my video blog vlog thingy. Then you can consider that your official welcome aboard on my rocket ship to celebrity or even better the ability to have a career successful enough so I can afford health insurance. :)

OMG, I just realized the syllables are way off in what I read in the video. That's like not even a haiku. So I re-wrote it. It really is the thought that counts.

The Dane Cook Principle of Comedy and Life

Comedian Dane Cook has sold out Madison Square Garden and reached over one million MySpace friends. If that excites you, angers you, or flat out makes you depressed then you need to watch this.
Also, I give shout out to the people in my family who love me. You may notice that absence of my Dad. He loved me, but he died around ten years ago. Okay, I know that's a bummer.

I also got a haircut.

Linkify Experiment - Trying this linkify tool out

I am new to blogging. And to use a phrase my friend, Jason Roeder mentioned in an Email to me on a totally separate issue, my blog IS the grammatical Wild Wild West. It is amazing the level of grammatical atrophy and diction paralysis a writer can go through when doing stand-up comedy. Having only had to scrawl rough premises on napkins and never being edited really takes its toll.
Also, I'm also just learning about the whole "blogging thing." There is this tool called linkify that I read about on xenomachina.com that is supposed to help me link out to cool places on the Internet. Let's see if it works. Thank you for coming. Please subscribe. It gets even better.

Anxiety Attacks and Depression - Part II of 32 Things I've Learned About It

My anxiety attacks and depression following my car accident finally escalated to the point where I could not ignore it. My life changed, and I'm on the comeback, but I have learned a few things. You can check out Part One: Anxiety and Coping with Depression here. Here is the rest of the list:

17) You never HAVE to answer your phone.
18) Change your outgoing message to "I'll do my best to call you back," cuts down on the looming overwhelmed-ness of too many unreturned phone calls. 19) Being outdoors helps.
20) Exercise actually does help.
21) Breathing into a paper bag really does stop you from hyperventilating. (Pretend you're in an old movie when you do it. Make it fun!)
22) Be aware of your blood sugar levels.
23) Watch the caffeine. Figure out your limit. Wean SLOWLY.
24) Don't worry about dieting, but if you can just make it a mini-goal to attempt to eat more fruits and vegetables, you can let it slide.
25) Watch your simple carbs and sugar intake. Sugar crashing and anxiety attacks are amazingly similar.
26) Anxiety and depression is a miracle. It means you are telling you that your life  as it is does not suit the real you. You now have a compelling reason to change. (look at the big parts: jobs, dreams, relationships, coping mechanisms, possible addictions, pent up grief)
27) Lowering the bar can do wonders. Ex. I will shower today and everything else is gravy!
28) Falling apart can reap greater rewards than holding it together.
29) Cry. Cry. Cry. Let it all out.
30) Rage. Rage. Rage. (Don't hurt yourself, but punching stuffed animals and screaming in your parked car or into a pillow does wonders.)
31) You are not alone.
32) You are very special person if you relate to any of this. Very special.
We have a lot in common.

Anxiety and Coping with Depression - 32 Things I've Learned

Having anxiety and coping with depression is not the easiest thing in the world to do. For a long time, my major coping mechanism was to pretend it didn't exist. I do not recommend this method. I am no expert, but I've learned a few things particularly with my last severe and disabling bout last year. Some of these things are a little funny, but humor helps. It's strange. It can be a gift this anxiety attacks and even depression.  It changed my life more than all the self-help books I've been reading since I was a zygote. Ok, ignore your churning stomach, cold sweats and feeling of impending death and enjoy a helpful list:

1) It's real.
2) If you ignore it it gets worse.
3) People give you lame advice. Ignore it.
4) Lame advice looks something like this: You can't "just (insert lame advice.) Ex. "Just relax." "Just try not to think of it." "Just watch a funny movie." "Just calm down."
5) Hating yourself doesn't help.
6) Being anxious because you can't "Just Insert lame advice" only adds to it. But if you can't help it see tip 5.
7) Your hair can fall out.
8) If you keep vomiting stomach acid it will effect your molars. Brush and floss often if you can muster the energy.
9) Sometimes you will lose the feeling in your face.
10) Drinking doesn't help it--even if your entire office seems to think it strange that you don't want to drink at work.
11) If your job makes you anxious, bursting into tears at work and flipping out can lead to the help you so desperately deserve. (Really! If I'd only known I would have done it sooner.)
11) Nobody else can make you feel less anxious, but in the midst of an attack calling your  big sister helps.
12) Support groups  offer some comfort, but those other people are REALLY screwed up. :)
13) Try not to "pick" at anything.
14) Meditation works.
15) Worry about not "meditating right" fades over time.
16) Any type of spiritual connection be it God, Nature, Science, The Universe, or my favorite "The Force" helps.

Stay tuned for Part II.

Car Accident Tips

One vital of the car accident tips, I forgot to put in the video blog vlog thing. Have your car just slightly nick a third car. The car who hit you will be found responsible BUT the third-party will double as your witness. My witnesses were AWESOME. Thanks guys if you're out there. Okay so here are some of the more awesome and fun details from my car accident. Feel free to use them if you like.

My Car Accident and Its Awesome-ness

I have seen the face of change, and it's a 19 year old driving a 2004 BMW making an illegal left-hand turn onto Burbank in the world famous San Fernando Valley. You ever need to make a left hand turn and see the light is green, but at the last second realize the green light is actually for the cars going straight and your lane is red? Well, the driver of the BMW that careened into me did that except for the part about realizing that she had a red light. She was only four blocks from her house and just went to get her dog a leash at PetCo about 10 yards from one of my life's most major turning points--her totaling my Dodge Neon.

I've got a million stories about being in physical therapy and all that other stuff, but for now let me just say that I can see how life's challenges change a person. There are people who have been in more serious car accidents, who have had greater challenges, but the way I dealt with this particular challenge really told me about me and what it said was I needed to change.

My whole life I read self-help books and suppressed my emotional pain with what I thought were "positive affirmations." But what I found when I was confronted with actual physical pain, I saw very clearly that my biggest coping mechanism for life was pretending like things were okay when they weren't. Strangely, it was only after I stopped denying the way things were that I realized INDEED everything is always okay. Yes, I still live with the effects of the car accident, but those effects (besides the obvious mobility challenges which have arisen from time to time and a little more so recently) ARE AWESOME.

I've taken an interest in my my health and look at my life differently--because I HAD TO. I learned how I used the great tools for positive thinking as more of tools of denial. I learned how feel pain and let it go. See the key for me to letting things go, is I actually have to hold it for a second, let it actually be in my grasp and then I can let it go. But if I never accept that it exists, it is impossible to let i go. How do you let go of nothing?

This may or may not make any sense. I'm going to upload another vlog thingy and tell you about aquatic therapy at the Bally's on El Centro in Hollywood and how I was actually pretty lucky during the accident. Los Angeles is an odd town for car accidents.

Have you been in a car accident? Didn't the paperwork kind of blow?

My First Video Blog - Vlog Thingy

A few clarifying points: • Not being able to feel my face is one of the symptoms of my anxiety attacks. • When I say I want to be just famous enough to get health insurance, what I mean is being known well enough as a comedian to warrant performing in enough of the better comedy rooms, colleges and corporate gigs to afford health insurance. • For some reason conditioner is not readily available on this island in the Philippines and since I've been spending too much time alone for ten months, well--there's no real excuse for the hair.

Comedy Webisodes Co-Starring Brett Gilbert Coming Soon

My friend, and fellow comedian, Brett Gilbert are co-starring and creating a web-com called Sherman Royale. I have permission to post the comedy webisodes on this blog. We play ourselves. I am so excited about it. Brett is also a very talented director and founder of Trained Killers Comedy, which produces a lot of short films and live comedy shows. I'm very excited. I've been a part of the team and used as a writer, but now I'll get a co-creator credit and get to co-star.

Welcome and Thank You for Coming!

I am just now setting up my new and fantabulous blog. I return to Los Angeles in less than a month to fulfill my writing and standup comedy destiny. Many things have happened. I know, and have on occasion had the  honor of calling a few pseudo-famous people, my friend. I have been inspired by life's unlikely circumstances. Juicy, personal and sordid stories from my past and present that have inspired, educated and totally bummed me out will be presented here for your Internet enjoyment.

My name is Christy Murphy. This is my blog.